In the name of being "weird"

I am sitting in my living room surrounded by books, blankets, candles, picture frames and throw pillows. This morning I made an omelet with more ingredients than a five course meal. I just bought a sleeping bag on-line not because I have a trip planed but because I crave adventure and had a coupon. In the past year and a half, I have gone to living in one of the poorer countries of the world to living in America (and living like an American).

For the past  few months, the Lord has been tugging on my heart to decrease so He can increase in my life. So naturally I've been pushing back, but yesterday while sipping a cup of coffee and curled up with Jen Hatmakers "7" I decided to dive in.

While reading the intro of this book, my heart began leaping. For the past year I have been dreaming and planning but taking no action.  In July, I will leave my current job and began travel nursing in hopes of building relationships so I can hopefully better serve the underserved and underdeveloped countries of the world through better access to health care. But this is still a dream and only that. It may be years before the vision the Lord has placed on my heart will have a name and faces behind it and "7" is something I can do now.

The idea behind is "7" is to take "seven months, identify  seven areas of excess, and make seven simple choices to fight back against the modern-day diseases of greed, materialism, and overindulgence. In the spirit of a fasting, the book encourages to pursue a deeply reduced life in order to find a greatly increased God."

In the first chapter the question is asked "Why are you doing this?" and one response is "You always have to be doing something, don't you"
Jen's response to this is what I pray my heart in this experiment can be

"Maybe I am turning into a girl who always has to have something, I don't know. What I do know is that my "something" is a desire to look more like Jesus" 

What a difference a year makes...

Looking at the date of my last blog entry, it is hard to believe how much time has passed since I left Kenya.  The past year has been incredibly humbling and recently I have missed blogging - even saying that sentence is humbling for me, but writing helped me process my time in Africa and processing is something I think I need a little more of in my life so here it goes.

I have been working at the Children's Hospital in Chattanooga for 1 year today! I have learned so much about nursing, service, and discipline this past year and so much of that is because of my job. I have also fallen in love with my co-workers, my patients, and their families; however, because of the nature of what I do this has left me with a broken heart. Whether from the pews of a funeral, the background of a birthday party, or the bathroom in the break room, the tears I have cried over these sweet kids are too many to count.

A year is a good length of time to look back and reflect and I am praying that just as the Lord so graciously led me to Africa when my heart was not in the right place and then placed me in this job He will continue to lead me to what is next and that I will have an obedient spirit - but I am constantly feeling the pull of our culture, being able to support myself, and what is most important in life. How will all of these align?

Even as that sentence comes off my fingertips onto this white page I can feel the tug of the Lord on my heart. How many times will I need to be reminded of His character - He wants to give me good things and thank goodness His plans are not mine.